相約星期二

Tuesdays with Morrie

During the short holidays, I read a meaning book about life.
Here are some quotes I want to remember them as long as I could.

The 2nd Tue: We Talk About Feeling : Sorry for yourself
“I don’t allow myself any more self-pity than that. A little each morning, a few tears, and that’s all.”
How useful it would be to put a daily limit on self-pity. Just a few tearful minutes, then on with the day.

The 3rd Tue : We Talk About Regrets
“The culture doesn’t encourage you to think about such things until you’re about to die. We’re so wrapped up with egotistical things, career, family, having enough money, meeting the mortgage, getting a new car, fixing the radiator when it breaks – we’re involved in trillions of little acts just to keep going. So we don’t get into the habit of standing back and looking at our lives and saying, Is this all? Is this all I want? Is something missing?”

The 4th Tue : We Talk About Death
“Everyone knows they’re going to die, but nobody believes it. If we did, we would do things differently.”
“To know you’re going to die, and to be prepared for it at any time. That’s better. That way you can actually be more involved in your life while you’re living.”
“Do what the Buddhists do. Every day, have a little bird on your shoulder that asks, ‘Is today the day? Am I ready? Am I doing all I need to do? Am I being the person I want to be?”

The 5th Tue : We Talk About Family
“The fact is, there is no foundation, no secure ground, upon which people may stand today if it isn’t the family. It’s become quite clear to me as I’ve sick. If you don’t have the support and love and caring and concern that you get from a family, you don’t have much at all. Love is so supremely important. As our great poet Auden said, ‘Love each other or perish.’”
“And it’s so true. Without love, we are birds with broken wings.”
“There is no experience like having children. There is no substitute for it. You cannot do it with a friend. You cannot do it with a lover. If you want the experience of having complete responsibility for another human being, and to learn how to love and bond in the deepest way, then you should have children.”

The 6th Tue : We Talk About Emotions
“What I’m doing now,” he continued, his eyes still closed, “is detaching myself from the experience.”
“But detachment doesn’t mean you don’t let the experience penetrate you. On the contrary, you let it penetrate you fully. That’s how you are able to leave it.”
“If you hold back on the emotions – if you don’t allow yourself to go all the way through them – you can never get to being detached, you’re too busy being afraid….”
“But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is. You know what love is. You know what grief is. And only then can you say, ‘All right. I have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment.”

The 7th Tue : We Talk About the Fear of Aging
“I embrace aging.”
“It’s very simple. As you grow, you learn more. If you stayed at twenty-two, you’d always be as ignorant as you were at twenty-two. Aging is not just decay, you know. It’s growth. It’s more that the negative that you’re going to die, it’s also the positive that you understand you’re going to die, and that you live a better life because of it.”
“You have to find what’s good and true and beautiful in your life as it is now. Looking back makes you competitive. And, age is not a competitive issue.”

The 8th Tue : We Talk About Money
“Money is not a substitute for tenderness, and power is not a substitute for tenderness…”
“You can’t substitute material things for love of for gentleness or for tenderness of for a sense of comradeship.”
“Remember what I said about finding a meaningful life? I wrote it down, but now I can recite it: Devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning,…there’s nothing in there about a salary.”

The 9th Tue : We Talk About How Love Goes On

When Morrie was with you, he was really with you.
“I believe in being fully present.”
“That means you should be with person you’re with. When I am talking to you now, I try to keep focused only on what is going on between us....”
“I am talking to you. I am thinking about you.”

The 10th Tue : We Talk About Marriage
“I think marriage is very important thing to do, and you’re missing a hell of a lot if you don’t try it.”
“There are a few rules I know to be true about love and marriage: If you don’t respect other person, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble. If you don’t know how to compromise, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble. It you can’t talk openly what goes on between you, you’re gonna have a lot trouble. And if you don’t have a common set of values if life, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble. Your values must be alike.”

The 11th Tue : We Talk About Our Culture

“Here’s what I mean by building your own sub-culture. I don't mean you disregard every rule of your community. I don’t go around naked, for example. I don’t run through red lights. The little things, I can obey. But the big things – how we think, what we value –those you must choose yourself. You can’t let anyone – or any society – determine those for you.

The 12th Tue : We Talk About Forgiveness
“Forgive yourself before you die. Then forgive the others.”
“There is no point in keeping vengeance or stubbornness. These things I so regret in my life. Pride. Vanity. Why do we do the things we do?”
“It’s not just other people we need to forgive. We also need to forgive ourselves. For all the things we didn't do. All the things we should have done. You can’t get stuck on the regrets of what should have happened. That doesn’t help you when you get to where I am.”
“…Make peace. You need to make peace with yourself and everyone around you.”

The 13th Tue : We Talk About the Perfect Day

“Death ends a life, not a relationship.”
“As long as we can love each other, and remember the feeling of love we had, we can die without ever really going away. All the love you created is still there. All the memories are still there. You live on –in the hearts of everyone you have touched and nurtured while you were here.”

“I’d get up in the morning, do exercise, have a lovely breakfast of sweet rolls and tea, go for a swim, then have my friends come over for a nice lunch. I’d have them come one or two at a time so we could talk about their families, their issues, talk about how much we mean to each other. Then I’d like to for a walk, in a garden with some trees, watch their colors, watch the birds, take in the nature that I haven’t seen in so long now. In the evening we’d all go together to a restaurant with some great pasta, maybe some duck-I love duck – and then we’d dance partners out there, until I was exhausted. And then I’d go home and have a deep, wonderful sleep.”